Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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