I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
