Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
