My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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