I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
