you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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