He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
