Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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