I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
