Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
