The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
