I cockslap morals
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
