Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
