i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
