Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
