new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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