Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
