This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.