I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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