We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.