I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.