I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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