I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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