So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
