make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
