we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
being pregnant is like rehab
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
