i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
