My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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