He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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