oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
