You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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