everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
