Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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