Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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