wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
