if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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