we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
