Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
