This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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