i just had sex bonerless
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
