You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
