Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize