hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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