Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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