Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
