Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
