i wish my penis had a tongue
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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