I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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