i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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