Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
