so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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