When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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