You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
