So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
