So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
