in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Someone signed my nipple.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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