I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Vodka?
Forever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
