i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
