Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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