____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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