I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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