I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
