I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
