Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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