I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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