go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
