ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you never un-have a 4some
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