Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
