ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
