I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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