My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
