Sponge bath it is.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
