Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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