I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
